Monday, August 31, 2009

Mongrels and ketchup

So, I suppose you’ve been thinking I was either dead, or simply a dead-head. Well, truth be told…I am a dead-head. I am lazy, irresponsible, and amazingly fickle with my commitments…but that’s only when I’m not being hyper-active, compulsive/obsessive, and reasonably neurotic/psychotic. I bet you’re relieved that I’m so damn normal!

Anyhoo, last you knew I had Molotov banging at my door and ready to knock my delightful lights out for flooding the damn yacht with sewer water (he is SUCH a baby!). I managed to survive the onslaught of his exceptional temper tantrum with flying colors, and we eventually went topside for drinks and cigars with Mr. A. while the hired peons cleaned up the big mess I made.

As I’m sure you are aware, Molotov has quite a crush on me (as does Mr. A, which I’m convinced is due to my polite white-trash charm with a delicate twist of lemon…as well as my ever so perky Yo-busters), and I have guiltlessly manipulated these smokey bad-asses whenever possible. We gals must use our gifts without shame or flinching in order to keep our little world in tact. Do NOT apologize for this! Ever! (Amen yo-sista, Dirt!)

On another note, it came to my attention that Zynga followed my lead and started producing mafia and police items in a jealous attempt to get you to stop following my blog posts. Please note: it’s just a matter of time before the Yoville Witness Protection Program is also picked up and abused by these multi-millionaire Moguls (or should I say, Mongrels?), and alas, I will not get the royalty’s I so righteously deserve for coming up with this nonsense! Yes I’m totally pissed, but I will get over it!

…Hmmm, this would probably also be a good time to inform you that I went against my better judgment, as well as abandoning my heart-wrenching plea to you to boycott Pete’s Pet Store (see
Tractor Pull: July 1, 2009), and I paid the $2000.00 for the goddamn goldfish – Shame on me, I know! Regardless, I named him ‘Flipper’ and would really appreciate y’all feeding him whenever possible, as I would prefer to spend my hard-earned yo-coins on decorations and a totally kool, super-slut wardrobe! Thanks!

OK, where was I? Does anyone really care? I know I don’t! I’d like to just get on with this blogging business rather than doing a bunch of recapping on the virtual yo-past! My God, this is why I lack commitment! It’s because of accumulated virtual clutter and a warped sense of responsibility, virtual or otherwise! I hereby release myself from this self imposed prison of ‘catch up’ (not to be confused with ‘ketchup’) Bottom line is: I’m still dilly-dallying in Cuba, and I no longer give a shit about helping with the YWPP! If Zynga is determined to riddle your walls with bullets, and your floors with chalk outlines…so be it (rhymes with ‘Soviet’)!

Alrighty, well, I’ve had enough of my own yo-bullshit for one day (Besides,
Mega Man will be waltzing in soon and I need to turn myself into a sex-goddess so he doesn’t divorce me for having the chronic ugly’s!)

*Chow, my lovely Yovillians!

(*Yes, I know I spelled it wrong!)

PS: I don't know why the links are so freaking BOLD, it was not a deliberate act on my part!


  1. Never fear Dirt I'll save you from the bastards..

  2. lol! Great post!

    I also wanted to thank your dh for commenting on my profile - I really appreciate that. :)

    You guys have a great week! xx

  3. hey great Blog..Who's the crazy guy behind the computer?

  4. Creative Queen: Thank you for reading and for the nice wishes for the week!

    My dh (dear?delightful?damn? - husband LOL)loves your blog and I showed him your comment : D

    I will be sneaking over to your blog to have a look-see!

    Megaman: The crazy guy behind the computer is like the Wizard of Od (not a typo) e.g. 'Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain/computer' : )

  5. Thank you! It was such a pleasant surprise to arise this morning to find such a lovely compliment awaiting me! It's gonna be a good day!

    : D irt


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