Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Tractor Pull: July 1, 2009

As you can see, I was beach-boiled in suntan oil yesterday. I didn’t think the six rum-n-cokes would knock me out - I thought I would just ‘get happy’, ya know? Anyhoo, Molotov has informed me that Mr. A. will be going home from the hospital tomorrow and we shall wrap up (I hope) this negotiating stuff. In the meantime, I will continue to routinely laminate my screaming skin cells with solarcaine and aloe vera gel.

Additionally, since I have so much time on my hands I’ve taken the liberty of writing a petition @ Pete’s Pets store about the outrageous price on the gold fish! {$2000 Pete?! Your head must be firmly embedded up yer yo@ss! Tell ya what! I’ll get some forceps, and if you’ll push…I’ll pull! Maybe you’ll get a revelation and head towards the bright white light! Hell, if we have to, we can hook you up to a tractor to pull the damn thing out!}

As potential customers, Pete needs to realize that we can get a gold fish, fish food, fish bowl, assorted decorative stones, AND a cheerful plastic water plant from Wally’s-Big-Fart for about $15.00 + tax! It is my hope that you will all support this petition to Pete as well as boycott his store until we make him see the blessed sunlight once again! Hallelujah!

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